I think I’ll start taking notes here about resume’s and applying for work.

I’ve spend the last week digging through 85+ resumes trying to find competent individuals. This is no fun, and applicants seem to have the express goal of trying to make it harder for me. This makes me mad and makes me not want to hire a single person. I’ve checked into helper monkeys, but they’re to smart to take a sysadmin gig.

  • on your resume, have a working phone number and/or email address. When I call a number and get a ‘no longer in service message’, I have to throw the paper object in my hand away. I can’t even be troubled to crumble it with anger, it’s just not worth it. I am easy, I will even go the extra mile to type out an email to an applicants address, if they have one. Having neither of these makes Hulk mad for wasting his time.

  • answering machine message. “This is cough, cough Ted (long pause) I’m, we’re not here right now, leave a message wheeze.” aka, I am so high right now, I can’t even record a greeting on my phone. Please put me in charge of very expensive equipment, and millions of dollars in user-data.

  • resume length. Unless you’ve done something really, really kick-ass (like discovered cold-fusion, the real cold-fusion, not the crappy macromedia product), don’t send 7 page resumes in 15pt font (ok, never-ever do this, even if you did discover cold-fusion). Although I do appreciate the consideration of the aged and sight impaired.

  • word choice. The objective contains the following words: seize, opportunity, lead, grow, advance, terrific. This person is in all likelihood, lying. If they are truly this positive, I would hate them anyway, and never hire them. But I may interview them just out of pure malice.

  • GPA. If your GPA is 2.0 (on a four point scale) don’t bring that to my attention. Sure, there’s grade inflation in college, but 2.0 = C = Average = I don’t want to talk to you.

  • Spelling. ‘PERLFERLS’ : I can guess at least two things this may be, but I shouldn’t have to. F7 is spellcheck in most applications.

  • Technical Skills. Don’t list every single bloody version of every piece of software. That’s really fantastic that you’ve used IE 5.0/5.5/6.0/6.1 or RedHat 7.0/7.2/8.0/8.8/9.0, but I don’t care.


02 August 2005